I hate the way I love you
by mrs robert crawley
Summary: set 8 months into their marriage, This story is how I pictured how Robert started to spend the whole night in Cora's room. this is only my second fanfic so reviews are welcome. Hope you like it! xxx


Disclaimer: I do not own downton abbey or its characters.

Robert and Cora were in the middle of their eight month of marriage. And Cora was fed up, angry, annoyed, sad, but most of all, she was in love. She committed a crime worse than any other and fell in love with her husband. It happened months ago, a tiny spark that set her heart alight. And it was still there five months, eleven days and twenty minutes since the spark, and it was still there... And she loathed that spark. She resented the fact that she had been pushed and forced into a loveless marriage. But then she was disgusted by the fact that she fell in love with man she gave up everything for. But what Cora hated most of all, above anything else was that she would give it all up again for him in a heartbeat. All these reasons caused Cora to drink more wine than she usually did at dinner. They caused her to stay behind in the drawing room when everyone else went up and have three glasses of brandy. No water.

It was passed midnight when she finally went up so her maid was already waiting for Cora in her bed chambers. It took fifteen minutes for her to get completely undressed and into her night gown. Plus a further ten to braid her hair. When her maid left, Cora decided to go to Robert. With the Dutch courage in her and long unresolved feelings ranging from love to hate, she had to talk to him. She needed to be near him. The hard floor was cold under her bare feet and the rain outside pelted against the windows and walls. Her cotton and lace gown gave no protection against the relentless wind and cold. Cora was shivering but didn't even take note of the freezing air that surrounded her. All she could think of was Robert. What she wanted to tell him, and how she needed another drink because her mouth was getting dryer by the second. She was knocking on his dressing room door before she realised she was even walking towards it. When he didn't answer quickly enough Cora opened it and walked through to him anyway.

Robert was halfway to the door before Cora barged through, nearly knocking him down in the process. "careful Robert, you wouldn't want to fall now would you!" Warned Cora playfully, then she started to giggle and sway on her feet. Robert scrunched up his nose as he smelt alcohol on her breath. The smell of strong brandy nearly knocked him down. "Cora, have you been drinking? Actually, never mind I know you have. What on earth possessed you to get drunk!?" Cora deflated instantly, his condescending and judging tone made her see red. He rolled his eyes as if to say typical American. "Well, Robert, I'll tell you what. How about the fact of your mother, criticizing and berating me every chance she gets. Or your father tricking and robbing me of everything I have a right to!" Cora was after taking a step towards him and was now poking Robert in his chest, with every reason she gave. "Let us not forget how 'incredibly American' I am. Or how I gave up my home, my family, friends and everything I know for a man who doesn't love me!" As she said this, she sat on the bed of his dressing room, defeated and on the verge of tears. Cora couldn't bring herself to look at him. He was probably thinking that she was an emotional drunk and kick her out in any second. Finally she couldn't bear the silence and looked up at him. Robert was staring at her and gaping like a fish. Then Cora felt the wetness of tears streaming down her face, she couldn't stop them. She covered her face with her hands and didn't see Robert's gaze soften and the gentle tilt of his head. He sat next to his shivering wife on the bed.

Suddenly Cora felt his arms wrap around her shaking form awkwardly and bring her close to his chest. She felt instantly safe and secure, warm even. But she hated it, she wished these feelings would go away and never come back. Robert was just humouring her, pretending to care. He never loved her and never will, he wouldn't even try to. But finally he began to speak, "I had no idea you felt like this Cora, and I am so very sorry. For everything. I promise, I'll try to be better at this. At marriage, at being a husband. I won't promise love yet, but I will strive to be worthy of such a good, beautiful wife. And maybe, love could come in time. But I am so unbelievably sorry." Robert finished his speech and rubbed his hands up and down his wife's back.

Cora couldn't believe that he was holding her, actually showing her intimate affection. Robert had never done that, not even after doing their nightly duty together. He had always just kissed her cheek and left for his dressing room. And now, what he was saying to her, made her heart fill with hope. He was willing to try, willing to make her feel better and content. He was not just humouring her or pretending. He would be the husband he never was before and that was at least something. It was a start. Cora stopped crying but didn't let go of Robert, during his speech, she had grabbed onto his silk pyjamas as if she was clinging to her life.

After ten minutes, they had leaned against the headboard and reclined on the narrow bed, still clung to each other. Robert was still running his hand through her hair and down her back, constantly soothing her. Eventually Cora started to shiver from the bitter cold and Robert suggested that they move into her room, under the covers. She nodded silently against his chest and they moved into the larger bed. Cora was just drifting off to sleep on Robert's chest half a hour later when she felt him starting to stir. "You aren't really leaving, are you?" Cora asked in disbelief. Robert looked extremely surprised by this question. "Well, I. I don't want to be a nuisance or trouble... Cora, would you like me to stay?" Robert decided that the first step to a healthier marriage was honesty. He decided to just come right out with the question and ask her straight up, be blunt. "Oh, Robert, of course I do." "Then, i will." He got back into the bed quickly and once again, put his arm around her.

His eyes started to close and he looked as if he was about to fall asleep. But Cora looked up at him and got a sudden urge to kiss him. She reached up to touch his cheek and gently tilted his head. His lips were soft and warm. They had only kissed quickly a few times and she could tell that he was surprised by her kiss. She lingered there for a few more moments before they broke apart and settled down together again. "Goodnight Robert" Cora sighed. "Goodnight Cora" Whispered Robert as he he kissed her forehead.

Lady Cora's maid was utterly shocked when she discovered her two masters cradling each other in her mistress's bed. She carefully slipped back out of the room unnoticed. Leaving the newlyweds to sleep and dream and maybe even love, in time.

AN : this idea of how Robert started to sleep with Cora through the night was bugging me, so there it is. It was only something quick and this is my second fanfic so i would appreciate your feedback and reviews are very welcome, good or bad. Thanks for reading! :) xxx


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